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No. 8 - Jan '03
in association with www.pawnpusher.co.uk

Bye Bye Beasters

This is the last issue of ChessBeast. Sorry folks, but it's been a blast while it lasted. Thanks to everyone who sent material for the site, it wouldn't have gone on this long without you. Many thanks also to Jon Manley and Kingpin for allowing us to link up, for their encouragement and for donating prizes.

I'll still be updating pawnpusher.co.uk from time to time, so keep sending me all your crazy stories and ideas.

Chess Accessories

Tired of all that memorization and tactics nonsense? Fed up with falling victim to inferior opponents who are better prepared?

Abeauser & Tsceating is excited to offer for the first time to the general public, the new Braille Buddy®

That's right! Now you, with the help of an accomplice, can destroy even the strongest of opponents with amazingly accurate play.

The Braille Buddy® is a device worn in your armpit (both right and left-handed models available!), that receives input via remote transmitter from your PIC (Partner In Crime).

Simply lean back in your chair and fold your arms across your chest as if in deep thought, surreptitiously placing your fingers over the Braille Buddy®, and - SHAZAM! Your PIC has just transmitted to you the correct forcing reply to your opponent's awkward pawn advance. The warm reassuring feeling you will get from such an unobtrusive device will be interpreted by your opponent as cool confidence. No one will really know why they call you Shredder!

And your secret is safe with us. Abeauser & Tsceating keeps only numbered accounts for the protection of your privacy.

In keeping with the tradition of The Royal Game, Braille Buddy® comes standard with descriptive notation output, and a beautiful cloth carrying case free of charge.(Algebraic notation upgrade: $50 US).

Abeauser & Tsceating can not be held liable for any misuse of this product.
It is the responsibility of the buyer to read and adhere to the terms and conditions set forth in the Owner's Manual.
Batteries not included.
Remote Transmitter sold separately and is not legal in some states.
Owner's Manual sold separately and was shown to cause severe skin reactions in 73.56% of test subjects.
See Owner's Manual pp 527-562 for instructions on handling.
For questions and support go to: http://helenwaite/endoftheline.html

Suggeted by Jim Castile

kirsan kit
m u s t   o b e y

Now you can show the FIDE president just how much you worship him with this elegant range of clothes and accessories featuring the image of our beloved leader.

(and we haven't made this one up!)


Send your 'Accessory' suggestions to: pawnpusher@btinternet.com

To see more chess accessories click here

Competition Results...

Answers to the chessbeast xmas chess puzzles were as follows...

1) 1.Qg8+ Rxg8 2.Ng6+ hxg6 3.Rh2++

2) 1.h8(Q) Rxh8 2.Bd5 Rh2 3.Bg2 Rh5 4.Bd5 Rh2 5.Bg2 etc. =

3) The white king is on c3. The king was on b3 initially, a white pawn was on c2 and a black pawn was on b4. The move sequence then went 1.c4 bxc3+ 2.Kxc3+.

4) 1.Bh4 d3 2.Bxf2 d2 3.Be1! d1(R) [d1(Q) is stalemate] 4.Ke2 =

5) Deep breath...
1.f3 exf3 2.Kf1 f2 3.e4 dxe4 4.Kxf2 e3+ 5.Ke1 e2 6.d5 cxd5 7.Kxe2 d4 8.Kd2 d3 9.c6 bxc6 10.Kxd3 Kb7 11.Kd4 Ka8 12.Kc5 Kb7 13.Kd6 Ka8 14.Kc7!

6) 1.Nc7+ Nxc7 2.Qf7+ Kxf7 3.Nd6+ Kg6 4.Bf7++

There were 4 correct entries, so it came down to the tie-breaker, and the winner was Richard Patten with...

"I went to the Hastings Xmas Chess congress and all I came back with was Speelman's sweatshirt. Not very funny, but desperately scary."

Well done Richard, a copy of Kingpin is on its way.
(special mention to Steven Beuselinck, Jan Hondebrink and Owen A Curtis who also correctly solved all the puzzles)


Chess Lookalikes

Alexander Baburin
Rhys Ifans
baburin
ifans
Grandmaster
Actor
('Twin Town' etc)
suggested by Dan Scoones

Send your 'Lookalike' suggestions to: pawnpusher@btinternet.com

To see more 'Lookalikes' click here

Scumbag Tricks

"Here is a really nasty one. Our chess club plays in a room which is attached to the town's handball-hall. There was an in-club chess tournament going on. On this day i was playing my un-friend and arch rival, whom i had lost to in several previous tournaments. The round was to begin 1 hour before our local handball-team was to play a crucial top-match on home ground. I knew that my opponent hoped for a quick win, so that he could watch the handball match.

After 15 moves I was slightly worse. I made a move, tried to look very interested in the game next table and forgot to press the clock. After a minute I stood up and walked slowly down the corridor towards the sports hall, and sat down watching the handball-match. About 2 minutes later I saw my opponent enter the hall. He sat down on the opposite side of the playground, in order to have me in his sight.

What he didn't know was that I had ordered one of my friends, who wasn't participating, to press our clock at an appropriate moment. After the match, about 1½ hour later, I walked back to the chess room and guess what?... his wing had just fallen. He was furious. I said I had pressed the clock. It was word against word, but my friend had managed to press the clock without anyone noticing it right after my opponent had entered the handball-hall. Everyone saw that his wing had fallen, and I got the whole point. Ingenious isn't it?"

Thanks to Jákup Andreasen


Send your 'Scumbag Trick' suggestions to: pawnpusher@btinternet.com

To see more 'Scumbag Tricks' click here

copyright©2003 Darren Jones / www.pawnpusher.co.uk
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